Comparison Is A Poisonous Fruit And You Need To Avoid It.
Hope this email finds you well. The last few weeks have been full-on. Getting back into work after a month off was more difficult than I thought it would be, however, im enjoying the challenge. The year started a bit later than usual for me. Starting in February means that I'm trying to shrug off a small niggling feeling that I'm behind. The truth is things are going well. I've been meeting with my teams to plan for the year, to set goals and to ensure we are working on the business as much as we are working in the business. It's easy to confuse both those things when you are moving very fast.
This weekend I spend time with some of my younger brothers and mentees in Wales talking about comparison and how we stay focused in an age of hyper comparison. I wanted to share some of the things that came out. I first spent time with Kieron who’s been with me now for a few days.
For way too much of my life, I fell into the trap of comparing myself with others. When I did, I always came up short. I felt I wasn’t smart enough, strong enough or spiritual enough … just not enough, period. And because of that, I stayed stuck in a mediocre faith. I was eager for my younger brothers not to through a similar experience so I initiated this retreat. Here is the truth about Comparison
The truth about comparison
Comparison reveals our brokenness. The reason we compare ourselves is because deep inside we are dissatisfied with what we have and who we are. Whether we feel good or bad after we compare ourselves to someone else, we do it because things aren’t right inside of us. It is a heart issue. Comparison is a poisonous fruit of discontentment which admits that we are not satisfied with how God made us, that we are not happy with where he has placed us, and that we don’t appreciate the life he has ordained for us. Comparing ourselves to others is an insult to God.
We know comparison isn’t godly, yet it’s so difficult to avoid. It seems like it’s gotten more out of control with the rise of social media and our constant exposure to ads and TV. It’s gone far beyond a friendly rival with your neighbour; in fact “keeping up with the Joneses” sounds kind of like an idyllic relic of simpler times. Because comparison has started to creep into every area of our lives. It divides, disillusions, and can destroy.
If you are going to achieve anything this year, then you need to confront this beast head-on. I wrote about comparison last year too
Don’t compare your insides with someone’s outsides
This is a golden rule I first heard when I was in year 8. Comparison is always unhelpful because of imperfect information or information imbalances. You know everything about your processes, your impact, your failures. You know all of your insides. Because of this, when you compare yourself (your inside) with someone’s outsides, the comparison is often imbalanced and therefore unfair.
You end up beating yourself up for where you are now and overpraising someone for what they are telling you. As a general rule of thumb, always tell yourself that you are not in a good position to make comparisons because you lack the crucial context that would make your comparisons fair. Don’t trust your comparisons because they are simply unfair!
Good output doesn’t mean a good process
A bit more on outsides. Years ago, I remember speaking to a younger brother of mine about his university degree. He had this habit of starting essays days before it was due, pulling all-nighters, downing coffee and getting it done last minute. The thing is, he was quite brilliant and so would get a very good grade. He did this throughout his whole degree.
Now imagine him posting on social media 'just got a first-class degree' you, the reader would think ‘wow, what a smart individual.’ This is all true. But you might also think 'wow what a disciplined individual' this is not true. We often think a good result or a good outcome means a good process but this was not true. I remember later explaining to him that his process may be working for a university degree, but later when the stakes were higher, it was a dangerous way to work. Life would test his process and not just outputs.
This is another key reason why you should be careful about comparing yourself to other peoples outputs. It’s not worth your time and is a waste of your energy.
“They think that intelligence is about noticing things are relevant (detecting patterns); in a complex world, intelligence consists in ignoring things that are irrelevant (avoiding false patterns)”
― Nassim Nicholas Taleb
1. New Masterclass
I will be restating my Self Authoring Masterclasses in a few weeks. Every month, I will take 20 people through a 3-hour masterclass on a self-development topic.
Over 300 people have been through the masterclasses now and many have fed back that it’s life-changing. I want to create similar experiences again this year. If you want to be first to find out about the masterclasses, then fill in this form:
2. New Podcasts
I have two podcasts that I will be committing to this year. I want you to enjoy and share both of them.
A Christian podcast where I answer hard theological and culture questions in a few minutes every week with Our God Given Mission
A political/social issues podcast with Common Sense where I’m joined by world-class guests to discuss the weeks news and popular culture.
Please subscribe and help me share them!
3. Growing This Community
Lastly, my plan is to grow this digital community to 3000 people this year. Now, im not interested in just having anyone join this community, im looking for people really interested in personal development or interested in building beautiful things.
For that reason, I want to ask you to not just read and enjoy this but to be a friend and share the invite link with a couple of your friends and get them to subscribe. I will give you an update on where we are next week.
Thank you for your continued support, im already looking forward to next weeks digital issue.