Good Morning digital family and happy new week!
One of the most frequent questions I get asked is 'how are you so confident?' — I get asked that question almost as much as I get asked why my name is spelt Micheal and not Michael. The second question has a simple answer but it’s embarrassing so I won't share it just yet. I'm still getting to know you after all. The first question is complicated because there are so many different answers.
Ask me, 'are you always confident?' and the answer is no? Its a feeling; feelings are by nature transient and so no one perpetually feels confident. However, ask me 'have you learnt how to be confident over time?' the answer is yes. Even public speakers get nervous and feel the temptation to blend in and stay low. The only difference between them and others is that they don't succumb to the temptation as often and have learnt the importance of standing out.
I can remember many times in my life when I was afraid to stand out.
When listening to a lecture or panel discussion at school, I always had questions to ask, but the moment I finally raised my hand, my heart would start palpitating and gravity would force my arm down. This happened frequently during my university degree. I was one of 5 people on my course who were black and for some reason, that alone often made me think I had nothing to say and should just put my hand down
The same thing happened in business meetings. I struggled to articulate my ideas, although I was sure they could have brought some new impulses. In the end, I felt miserable, as I’d missed another chance to join the debate.
Why was it so difficult to speak out on the topics I was interested in? Topics I knew well and often had even prepped for. I’d missed so many opportunities to contribute and make my voice heard; to crack jokes or wear the clothes I wanted to wear; to try crazy things or be the only one on the dance floor.
Too often I missed out on being me and I couldn’t manage to overcome my fear of standing out.
Why don’t we dare to stand out more often?
Starting at a very early age, we learn that standing out is not desirable. When children speak their mind or they’re loud, playing wild games, adults tell them to calm down and be quiet. Many parents fear their offspring standing out in a way that might not be flattering, whereas when it comes to competing with others, kids are absolutely encouraged to stand out.
In school, when articulating an opinion or questioning what they’ve learned, students are often labelled rebellious. Few teachers manage to appreciate uniqueness, because it means work.
In adolescence, we’re torn between the desire to express our individuality and the urge to be accepted. Many times, we prefer to fit in because we’ve learned that we’re only going to belong to a group if we are like others expect us to be. But deep inside, we feel that something is missing.
I felt this heavily growing up. I have so many interests and ideas and I’ve always felt this pressure to be cogent, for my life to make sense. I actually spoke about it at a Masterclass I spoke on in Liverpool when we could still meet each other.
Showing Your True Colors
Daring to stand out means being your true self, speaking your mind, dressing the way you want, or laughing out loud, even if you’re the only one who finds something funny.
It means being different, following your dreams when no one believes in you, speaking up when no one else does, and making a difference in your life or the life of others by being who you are.
Standing out implies being in the limelight, even if your audience consists of only one person.
Whether it’s changing your life for good, getting a style makeover, asking uncomfortable questions and touching on sensitive subjects, joining a charity or keeping your lonely neighbour company, taking part in a local theatre play or quitting your banking job to buy your own food truck—that’s what makes you stand out, because you dare and care.
The Price To Pay
We all have talents and aspirations, some small, some big. Some might not be mainstream. This is when things start getting complicated and uncomfortable: in one way or another, we might rub someone the wrong way.
We will never be able to please everyone.
When standing out, we show the world that we’re here, and that we’re part of it; that we have something to say that might inspire others or even brighten their day.
Take a deep breath, step out of your comfort zone, and reveal the person you really are.
Taking Steps In This Boldness
It requires some courage to tackle the fear of standing out. You can always start small and take it one step at a time. But, if you feel adventurous, you might want to try one of these three daring steps to let your unique inner self shine.
1. Go against the flow.
If you don’t enjoy what everybody likes, stand by it. If you have another opinion, say it. If you don’t want to join your friends for the hottest event of the year, don’t go.
What matters is that you feel good about yourself. It might mean not being part of the majority. So what? Dare to be a splash of colour in a society of uniformity. You will always find like-minded people you can connect with.
2. Dare to be unpopular.
If the only way to popularity is by compromising your true self, then turn down the offer. Let others know what you want and what your boundaries are.
Accept that you can’t be loved by everyone, and choose not to make your well-being depending on others. The less glamorous but sustainable kind of popularity comes with authenticity.
3. Embarrass yourself.
A moment of embarrassment by choice can be very liberating. You’ll learn that you’re not going to die, and the ground won’t swallow you up (even if you wished for it).
Quite often, others don’t even notice whatever you’re feeling embarrassed about. It’s mostly in your head. So next time you’re invited to a karaoke bar, grab the microphone and sing your heart out
Announcements
1. Twitter Black Voices
A few weeks ago I was invited to join #TwitterBlackVoices, this is a private group run by the leadership at Twitter to champion black creators in the UK that make the app what it is! It was humbling to meet Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey and get to share ideas and thoughts on how the app could be improved! I'm expecting much more to come from this so stay tuned.
2. Self-authoring Masterclasses are coming back.
Some of you may have been part of previous self-authoring masterclasses. These are my masterclasses for students, graduates and professionals. We spend 3 hours digging deep into personal development topics. They were sold out throughout the year before and I’ve had a lot of people asking for them to come back. Don't worry, since you are part of this digital community, you will be first to find out when they are back. I’m planning to release tickets in early march so get ready and block out time. I can’t wait to meet you all.
Until next week, have an amazing week
M.T. Omoniyi
This was an amazing read bro, I really needed this! Especially trying to navigate in a world like Drama School. It can take a toll on your mind regarding your identity at times. 🤝
Needed this, thank you!