Good morning team!
When I started this digital diary, it was meant to be just that; a diary. In this post, I want to talk about a feeling that’s still raw but I hope in writing about it, we may be able to navigate failure a little better. One interesting thing about this topic is, no matter how much failure and disappointment you have dealt with, it doesn’t get any easier. It’s always difficult, it always hurts and you sometimes might feel hopeless.
Last week Friday, I received some sad news that honestly felt like a sucker punch. In fact, it was part of a string of news I received that really had me stumped with my head in my hands. I received news that I had been unsuccessful and that my efforts were essentially not good enough. As you grow older, you can sort of insulate yourself from this feeling by avoiding applying for difficult things. However, if you are going to do something worth doing, then there will be the possibility of failure.
You might never fail on the scale I did, or in the same way, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Now, I cannot in good conscience, sit here and write to you that failure is fun. The period after that news I received was a dark one, and In some part, I still have no idea how far this tunnel extends. However, failure and I are not new friends. We have known each other for a while I can talk to you about dealing with this formidable foe.
You have to fail to succeed.
As I write this, I want to be careful not to romanticize failure. it sucks, its terrible and feels ugly. However, it is also nessasry on the route and jouney to sucess. I'm reminded of a powerful advert from 1997 by Nike featuring basketball Greater Of All Time (GOAT), Michael Jordan. In it he said,
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning-shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
In this short 30 second advert, he packs so much wisdom. I mean, first, no one is immune from failing. For failure, there is no vaccination. He posits his failure as the predecessor for this success. This means how you handle your failures will determine how these failures chart your future course.
Thomas Edison’s light bulb failures
It is often said that Thomas Edison failed 1000 times before successfully inventing the prototype of the light bulb.
When a reporter asked Edison how it felt to fail 1,000 times, Edison replied: “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention of 1,000 steps.”
If we allow failure to define us – it will surely destroy us.
But if you embrace your failure and look at it as an opportunity to learn from it – you will grow and prosper from it. We often learn very little from our successes. Failure however is often our greatest teacher. Embrace failure as a necessary step towards your future success. If you allow it, failure will act as a laser that is focused on the areas in your work and life that need improvement. Do not be afraid to fail - as it is success’ predecessor!
How do we deal with failure?
Firstly remember you are not alone
When things go wrong it can be all too easy to slip into self-pity, why does this always happen to me? playing on a loop inside your head. This can be exacerbated when we watch our friends’ or celebrities’ carefully edited show-reels of their #blessed lives on social media. Failure can feel even more painful in the spotlight of another’s perfection. But nobody’s lives are perfect. Everyone messes up. Everyone fails. Everyone has bad things happen to them at some point. An example of this that really inspired me when I was starting out as a writer was J K Rowling, famously rejected by 12 publishers before finding a home for Harry Potter. What if she’d given up after rejection number one … or 11? Everyone fails, but the successful people are the ones who pick themselves up again and carry on.
What is now possible because you failed?
Hindsight is a great thing. So often, when I look back on things that happened in my life that seemed like a disaster at the time, I end up being grateful that they happened because they paved the way for something far better. If you’ve just suffered a major disappointment try projecting yourself forward in time and ask yourself what better alternatives this could end up offering you. Could the redundancy lead to a better job? Could the break-up lead to your one true love? Could the exam failure lead you down a more exciting, entrepreneurial path? Failure often opens up our lives in ways we didn’t think about before. When you hit rock bottom, it can become the solid foundation on which you rebuild your life, try again or explore something totally different
Remember the dream
A life without dreams is like crawling through a dark tunnel with no light at the end – especially when things have just gone wrong. One of the best ways to rediscover your mojo is to get focused on your dreams. Take some time out to visualize your perfect day. Where would you be? What would you be doing? Who would you be with? Write it all down, paying attention to detail. How would this dream life make you feel? Enjoy reveling in these feelings as you dream. I do this exercise when i’m at really low moments. I take some take to remember the dream and the vision I had so I can recommit to it with vigour and focus. Failure might mean the way I was trying before won’t work and so a pivot is needed but doesn’t mean the vision has to be abandoned.
You're not perfect after all
As someone who obsesses over outputs and efficiency, failure can be and has been a much-needed reminder that I’m not a robot and I need to enjoy the journey.
In our perfection-obsessed, results-driven society it can be all too easy to want to hide away in shame when things go wrong. Or, even worse, pretend like everything is wonderful. We post Fakebook updates dotted with smiley-faced emoticons, while inside we’re dying. And of course, all that does is perpetuate the myth to others that no one ever fails. I’ll admit, part of me was cringing when I wrote the opening paragraph to this piece. But owning up to things, not working and to failures felt liberating too. Every time I’ve blogged about things going wrong in my life I’ve got a fantastic response from readers, it’s like a collective sigh of relief. We’re not alone in our failures and I think we owe it to each other to be more honest about that fact. Let’s celebrate our imperfections and let’s keep on daring to dream, safe in the knowledge that really, there’s no such thing as “failing” – only learning and growing and living.
Don't make it personal
Last week I wrote about not identifying with weaknesses and failure and this is a very important part. Read it here
Separate the failure from your identity. Just because you haven’t found a successful way of doing something (yet) doesn’t mean you are a failure. These are completely separate thoughts, yet many of us blur the lines between them. Personalizing failure can wreak havoc on our self-esteem and confidence.
There was a man who failed in business at age 21; was defeated in a legislative race at age 22; failed again in business at 24; overcome the death of his fiancée at 26; had a nervous breakdown at 27; lost a congressional race at 34; lost a senatorial race at age 45; failed to become Vice President at age 47; lost a senatorial race at 49; and was elected as the President of the United States at the age of 52. This man was Abraham Lincoln. He refused to let his failures define him and fought against significant odds to achieve greatness.
Release the need for the approval of others.
Often our fear of failure is rooted in our fear of being judged and losing others’ respect and esteem. We easily get influenced (and spooked) by what people say about us. Remember, this is your life, not theirs. What one person considers to be true about you is not necessarily the truth about you, and if you give too much power to others’ opinions, it could douse your passion and confidence, undermining your ability to ultimately succeed.
Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first TV job because someone thought she was “unfit for TV.” Stephen King’s first book, Carrie, was rejected by 30 publishers. Walt Disney was fired from his newspaper job because he “lacked imagination and good ideas.” Winston Churchill failed sixth grade and was considered “a dolt” by his teacher. Jerry Seinfeld was booed off the stage the first time he tried comedy. Soichiro Honda was rejected by an HR manager at Toyota Motor Corporation when he applied for an engineering job, leaving him jobless until he began making scooters in his garage and eventually founded Honda Motor Company. 'Nuff said.
Conclusion
Indeed, one can hardly find a historic or current-day success story that isn’t also a story of great failure. And if you ask those who have distinguished themselves through their achievements, they will tell you that failure was a critical enabler of their success. It was their motivator. Their teacher. A stepping stone along their path to greatness. The difference between them and the average person is that they didn’t give up.
Have an amazing week family,
M.T. Omoniyi
How To Deal With Failure
Great post bro!