How To Love Difficult People
Good Morning digital family!
Today I want to talk about something everyone reading will at some stage deal with. Difficult people. When we were younger, in school perhaps, it’s easier to avoid people you don't like. You get to create your own circle and so it’s pretty straightforward; avoid people you dont like and make friends with people you do like. As we grow, it becomes increasingly difficult to screen people like this. Sometimes, because of work, gym, marriage, church, we are forced to do life together with some people and those people are difficult and maybe even hard to love
It may seem impossible, but I believe you can learn to love difficult people.
Jesus Did It
I grew up in church., so this seems like the most appropriate place to start.
Jesus’ life is filled with examples of how to love people who may seem hard to love. He dined with Zacchaeus the tax collector in his home, despite the grumbling of others in the town. He protected the adulterous woman from being stoned, pointing out everyone’s need to be saved from sin. Jesus taught the story of the Good Samaritan as an example to Jewish people at a time when Jews and Samaritans bitterly despised each other.
Jesus prioritized loving people who were difficult, rejected, or outcast. As followers of Jesus, we were encouraged to love difficult people, but this did not make it any easier. Knowing Jesus did it meant I knew it was possible, however, I still had to build the muscle and attempt to practice what had been preached to me.
Who is difficult in your life?
Who do you struggle to love? Your mother-in-law? A co-worker? A rebellious teen or a sassy child? We all have them: cranky, difficult people in our lives who are tough to just co-exist with, let alone love. So how do we do it?
Well, I asked you those questions so you could identify the people in your life that cause you this pain. Don't worry, you dont have to send them a text or even think deeply about them. It’s just helpful to begin by recognising the truth that you dont get along with someone or that their values are different from yours. Naming this truth and calling it out gives us a foundation to begin building on. We are no longer swimming in denial, face hurting from fake smiling and holding back our tongue. We are instead aware of people we aren’t too fond of and so we can start brainstorming how to love them better.
A helpful reminder
Remember how much you’ve been loved. For me, I think about God whose relentless love for me is honestly bewildering
In Romans 5:8 we are told 'But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.' Now you may not believe in God, that’s alright. Still consider the scale of this love. Whilst I was a rebellious, unrepentant *********, Christ died for me.
I believe God has shown His love for each of us in innumerable ways. Is it so much to ask us just to pay that forward to others? When you’re having to dig deep to offer kindness to a sibling who makes all the wrong choices or to be nice to a co-worker whom you know said something unfair about you, realize that you’re writing a check on an account that God makes regular deposits in, whether or not the people around you do.
Consider these strategies when dealing with difficult people:
1. Make Excuses for people
Maybe they are overburned, maybe they are going through something, maybe they are simply having a bad day. You never know what’s going on behind the scenes and often hurt people hurt people. Difficult people are often bleeding and are just nursing a pain they feel internally. I know this because I have been a difficult person and when this was or is the case, I'm probably dealing with a lot of emotion.
Just about everyone you encounter throughout the day feels overburdened. Our lives are busy. We are increasingly distracted by technology and media. We’re under greater stress at work, with our finances, or in our parenting. All of these factors cause our relationships to grow more disconnected. Make these excuses for people whose actions are getting on your nerves.
2. Display Empathy and expect nothing in return.
Emotional intelligence pays off. Remember, no one is perfect. I put myself in the other person’s shoes. Maybe I am having a negative effect on them and oftentimes they are just plain difficult, yet still worthy of love.
When you’re taking the high road and offering love when dealing with difficult people, don’t go into it expecting the favour to be returned. Doing so just sets you up to be disappointed if it isn’t which fuels the fire of resentment and frustration in your own heart. Think of it as a gift, with no strings attached. And maybe you’ll give several of these gifts of kindness or love with no reason to think they even notice. But your persistence in doing the right thing may be quietly adding up to a major change in the other person’s life that you won’t know about until much later. Keep doing the right thing in faith until then.
3. Be patient, and give grace.
Don’t be thrown off-course by the idea of whether someone deserves your love or not. Because we’re all flawed human beings and you could say that about almost anyone at some point. But we do not love others because they deserve it. I believe we love them because our heavenly father “first loved us.” And thank heaven he didn’t withhold his grace and love until we earned it. Grace by definition is “unmerited favor.” So throw out your scorecard and decide to give grace and love based on God’s plan rather than the world’s.
Also, remember
WE ARE ALL DIFFICULT PEOPLE
The bottom line is, we are all difficult people. We all sin (miss the mark). We all have regrets in our relationships where we’ve hurt the other person.
I hate to break it to you, but you’re a difficult person.
The good news? You are a difficult person who is created in the image of God and loved exceedingly by Him. Give to people the same grace you wish they would extend to you. And also remember people often need love when they are least deserving of it.
Announcements
1. Leadership Masterclass
In a few weeks, I will be hosting a private masterclass for people who want to develop in their leadership journey! The session will be challenging but also game changing. Because you are part of this community, you can get tickets now before i share it on social media tomorrow!
2. New Podcast
In this episode, im joined by award-winning poet Nego True. We talk about DMX, Prince Phillip, creativity and so much more! You can listen wherever you get your podcasts and also watch on youtube