How To Stop Being Negative?
Happy new week family!
Growing up in secondary school, I was what you would call a realist. I sometimes was that negative friend you could count on to burst bubbles and just offer people a dose of reality to dreamers. I'm not sure why this was the case but I really valued being a realist. Sometimes I would say things like 'im not rude, I’m real' to make my self feel better but really that was a mask. Being pessimistic was lazy and easy and I just lacked the courage to try something different. It was fun to poke holes in things and laugh it off but in reality, I was gripped by a pathology of negativity that affected my thinking.
I would look at optimistic people and immediately put them into the happy go lucky category. They just seemed ignorant or like they didn’t really understand how the world works. The truth was the problem was with me. I had come to see pessimism as some sort of enlightened when really it was the easy and the fearful thing to do. Why try and be bold confident and positive when I could poke a hole in other peoples confidence and optimism.
I want to spend this digital entry dealing with pessimism head-on. Don't worry, it would be wish-washy or lofty; I want to deal with things head-on so that by the end of reading this, you feel a tangible difference.
Disclaimer: This one entry won’t change your mindset. I hope it’s a gentle nudge in the right direction. Mindsets are difficult to change and require work. When the work is put in there is nothing you can’t do.
“There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” — William Shakespeare
What do we mean by optimism?
To be optimistic is to believe the opposite of Murphy’s Law. Murphy’s law is famous for its pessimism: “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” How many times have you heard that one A variation of that is this well-known quote: “No good deed shall go unpunished.”
Here is another definition
Optimism is an attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavour, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favourable, and desirable. A common idiom used to illustrate optimism versus pessimism is a glass filled with water to the halfway point: an optimist is said to see the glass as half full, while a pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
The term derives from the Latin optimum, meaning "best". Being optimistic, in the typical sense of the word, is defined as expecting the best possible outcome from any given situation.[1] This is usually referred to in psychology as dispositional optimism. It thus reflects a belief that future conditions will work out for the best. For this reason, it is seen as a trait that fosters resilience in the face of stress.
There is some research evidence that optimists live longer and have fewer health problems. That makes sense because, being optimistic means that they most probably take good care of themselves by following a good diet, getting exercise and not smoking. It follows that by being optimistic, these people feel happier than pessimists. The natural conclusion from all of this is that pessimists are more likely to feel depressed as compared to optimists.
Perhaps it’s the pessimist in me that thinks, “So what if optimists live longer. What can I do about it? Where am I supposed to get optimism if it isn’t me? There is nothing I can do about it.” This is just another pessimistic conclusion because there are things we can do about it. In other words, it’s possible to learn to think more positively or optimistically about things.
Followers of cognitive-behavioural therapy believe that many of our emotions stem from behaviour and thinking. That is a basic premise of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. In this way, it’s our negative thoughts and behaviours that impact our emotions. Regardless of how you feel inside, it promotes better mental health to present a smiling face to the outside world. Even if that may seem like faking it, practice and repetition will gradually change the feeling state.
This same principle is true for thinking. Replacing a negative thought with one that is positive will result in better feelings. For example, if you fail at something do not give up. If we fail at something, too many of us convince ourselves that it’s hopeless. A more optimistic thought is, “I will continue to try because I just might succeed.” Ultimately, it’s the combination of trying and thinking that leads to a more optimistic way of looking at things, fail or not.
Optimism Is a Choice
If you think you’re a natural-born pessimist and there’s no way you can turn your mindset around, think again—research published in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry compared two groups of people to test their thinking patterns.4
The first group completed a 5-minute exercise that involved thinking positive thoughts about their future, while the second group just went about their daily lives without making effort to think optimistically. The first group significantly increased their optimism over the two-week period, with many of them feeling more optimistic after just one day.
If you want to become a more optimistic person—despite the negativity surrounding you—then you can take measures to think positively and spread that optimistic outlook to those around you.
Like I said earlier in this digital diary, growing up, I didn’t understand that every time I poked a hole or burst somsone’s bubble, I was choosing pessimism. I was entertaining negativity and mulling over its bitter taste
Here is How You Change
Change Your Thinking
We all have choices in our lives. You can spend the day cleaning or spend the day reading. You can go out to dinner or cook at home. You can have coffee with that long-lost friend or you can blow them off.
And, finally, you can decide to be positive or you can just go on living like you are. Being an optimistic person in a negative world begins with the decision to be positive and choosing to live that life every single day.
Avoid Negativity
You might refer to them as “whiners” or even “toxic,” but however you think of them, pessimists suck the positive energy out of the room. These people think the world revolves around them, and they often lack any sense of empathy for others.
It’s important to establish healthy boundaries with people who chronically choose to stay stuck in their own misery. That may mean having to say things to a friend like, “I notice every time I offer you an idea about how you could make your situation better, you insist nothing will work. I am not sure I’m able to help.”
It may also mean distancing yourself a bit from a relative who insists on sharing his latest predictions about the end of the world. Limit your media intake as well. Watching too many tragic stories on the news or consuming too much political news on social media can decrease your ability to maintain a “glass half full” outlook.
Recognize Negative Thinking
It’s OK to acknowledge that bad things might happen. After all, ignoring reality isn’t helpful. In fact, being realistic could be the key to doing your best. If you’re excessively positive about an upcoming interview, you might not spend any time preparing because you’re confident you’ll land the job.
If however, you have an exaggeratedly negative outlook, you might sabotage your chances of getting hired. Thinking, “No one will ever hire me,” will cause you to look and feel defeated when you walk into the interview room. Your lack of confidence may be the reason you don’t get hired.
A healthy outlook would be to remind yourself that all you can do is your best and you’ll be OK, regardless of the outcome.
Being optimistic helps you believe that brighter opportunities are on the horizon and you’re able to put in the effort to earn those opportunities. When you’re thinking negatively, take a moment to assess how realistic your thoughts truly are. Reframing your exaggeratedly negative thoughts into more realistic statements can help you maintain a healthy dose of optimism.6
Cultivate Positivity
While it’s not your job to make everyone happy, it doesn’t hurt to perk up someone’s day. Once a day, share positive feedback with someone.
At work, compliment someone about a good question raised in an email or salient points that they brought up in an important meeting. At home, praise your child for how hard they worked on their math homework. Or, tell your partner how much you appreciate them.
Making other people feel positive has lasting effects on your own life.
With that, don’t forget to bestow positivity on yourself. Before bed, think about what you did during the day. Even if it was a generally lacklustre day, there’s bound to be something you can praise yourself for, whether it was keeping your cool when a driver cuts you off or wrapping up a project that has really been a challenge for you.
Imagine a Positive Future
It sounds kitschy, but writing down your ideas of an optimistic future can truly make a difference when it comes to your overall outlook. If you need a primer, here’s what to do: Spend 20 minutes on four consecutive days on writing down what you want to happen tomorrow, next week, next month and next year—feel free to dream big.
Consider a serious challenge you have in your life right now and think about possible positive outcomes.
Practice Gratitude
Thinking about all the things you have to be grateful for, from warm sunshine to clean water, can give you an instant boost of optimism. You might even decide to keep a gratitude journal, in which you write down everything that makes you crack a smile during the day.
If nothing else, take a moment to stop, smile and be grateful for the good things in your life.
It’s hard to be optimistic without feeling gratitude toward those that helped you get to that happy place. While thinking about how grateful you are is helpful, sharing your gratitude with others provides added benefits. You’ll spread a bit of joy and cheer when you tell others how much you appreciate them.
Write a letter to someone who made a positive impact on your life, whether it’s a teacher, a former boss or even your mom. If possible, deliver that letter in person.
Have an amazing week!
M.T. Omoniyi
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