Im now 30 years old - my biggest life lesson so far
Good morning, amazing people.
Since I last wrote to you, I've turned the magical age of 30
30 years around the Sun.
This has been a very special birthday for me. It's my first birthday without my mum on this side of eternity, but also she had me when she was 30 years old. For reasons you can imagine, I've been in deep reflection. If you follow me on social media, I've been writing about friendships and relational wealth for some time. In a unique moment of silence and clarity during this birthday period, I've been digging deep into this question. When I was growing up, I was pretty popular. I played sports and made music, so I attracted people who just wanted to have a good time. The biggest mistake you can make in life is thinking that people around you are your friends because they want to have a good time.
Friendship is much deeper than simply having a good time. The Bible says a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. I made a video about my biggest lesson at 30, which is dropping today on YouTube, and if you're thinking of giving me a birthday present, one thing you can do is watch this video, but also subscribe, because I would love to reach 1000 subscribers by the end of the year.
The big thing I've been dwelling on is this idea of relational wealth. We live in a society that idolises rich people. It's really uncanny, but I remember seeing a video on YouTube titled “Lessons for marriage, from Jeff Bezos”. I don't want to speak much about his personal life, but I'm not sure this is someone you want marriage advice from. Yes, he's achieved enormous and indescribable success at Amazon, however, his success at Amazon doesn't mean his whole life model ought to be copied. We make the mistake of thinking similar processes must lead to similar outcomes, and in reality, we simply cannot match someone's process because we are not them. There are a range of variables we cannot see. There's also luck added to the mix, and so it's a futile endeavour. However, society places a high premium people on people who have material wealth. We very seldom speak about relational wealth, which I think is the real wealth we ought to chase. Relational wealth speaks to having a diversity of rich and deep relationships that will take you through life.
Yes, friends have an instrumental value in that they can help you in a moment of dire need. However. also, they have intrinsic worth in that rich friendships, in and of themselves, make life more beautiful. My time in Portugal just a few days ago showed me this. I had 30 friends who have been with me through all the twists and turns of life in one room. I had friends there from secondary school, friends from work, friends from different countries, and as we played games and bitterly argued over who the mafia was, I looked around at each of their faces, and each of them represented a chapter in my life, a moment in life. I felt warm.
At that moment, I was reminded of the importance of showing up for friends and being there. I recently posted this on social media.
It's very easy in our hurried world to forget what matters, and to focus on vanity metrics. I remember being 13 and being in such a hurry to reach 1000 friends on Facebook. In some ways, we're all like this. How do I amass a range a big number of people who like me? Hopefully, as we mature, we learn that having a few friends who deeply know you and who are after your success is far better than having relationships out of convenience or relationships out of geography.
As a business owner, the greatest temptation I have is to be transactional in my relationships. Who can help me with the current problem I'm going through, in reality, relational wealth means investing deeply into people, knowing that they may not provide immediate solutions, but a commitment to doing life together with them makes life sweeter. I’m talking about a weathered friend, trusted friends, friends you've been to hell and back with, friends who love, not just on social media, but far away from the cameras, where no one can see. Friends who care, friends who are selfless, friends who put you first.
In this next chapter of life, I really want to close the door on acting like a shop where people can just come in and out of, but be more intentional about building a guarded community of people who have a similar heart to mine. This means me being a better friend, but also setting standards for friendships higher than someone who simply smiles at me.
I wish I had had more conversations about this. I recently saw this video from Trevor Noah and Simon Sinek talking about a similar issue.
All in all, the last chapter of my life has been beautiful. I was a pretty random, insecure kid from Woolwich Poly. In the last three decades, I've built businesses, won awards, flew around the world, doing the thing I love. However, this next chapter is for friends and family.
It's for deep relationships.
It's for love.
Masterclass On Time Management
On Saturday 30th of November, I’m holding a special in-person Masterclass on Time management.
Time management is not very difficult as a concept, but it's surprisingly hard to do in practice. It requires the investment of a little time upfront to prioritise and organise yourself., But once done, you will fund that with minor tweaks in your day and indeed your week and month, fall into place in an orderly fashion, with time for everything you do.
In this masterclass, we will,
Recognise what prevents you from making the best use of your time
Make necessary long medium and short-term plans to help you schedule and organise your activities
Manage your ‘To Do List’ effectively
Control interruptions so they have a limited impact
Recognise and manage common time wasters
Identify why you procrastinate and how to manage it
Create a strategy for delegation
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The importance of finding your tribe is key. Good friends maybe have them and may we be them to the right people. Happy 30th birthday 💐
“It’s for love” - Beautiful read