Stop burning bridges, build them instead
Stop burning bridges, build them instead
Social media has glamorised bridge burning. I mean, the term sounds pretty vicious, however, many of us still find ourselves placing undue virtue on being a sort of 'no-nonsense person' that cuts people off when they aren't helping or giving us the energy we need. In this self-absorbed culture, it's easy to view every relationship through the lens of what it does for you and when it's no longer serving you, the temptation to end it is strong.
What does burning bridges mean?
Just so we are all on the same page. When I talk of burning bridges, this is what I mean
The act of unpleasantly and permanently ending relations with another person, or an organization.
Doing amazing things requires strong bridges and strong relationships.
There is one thing I have learnt in my career so far. Doing important and consequential things often requires broad and deep relationships. Even when you think about it on an organisational level, making a strong impact often involves unlikely coalitions. The most successful change agents are the ones that can call on relationships from all across the political spectrum, across different walks of life, across races, ages and religions. You need to practice bridge building at a very local level if you plan to make an impact at a global level. Let me give you a small example.
When I was starting one of my businesses, I remember getting a lot of lip service. A lot of people cheered me on and told me I could do it. I appreciated this, however, when you are trying to raise £50,000 in 50 days (as I was back then) the verbal support could only take me so far. However, some friends also put their hands in their pockets and each contributed £3000 towards the success of the business. For context, we had just finished university and so for each person that gave, it was an unbelievable sacrifice. I was so humbled by the support. It was amazing to see relationships I had cultivated over years materialise into real-life support. Not only did some of these friends give money, but many also lent their expertise to my campaign and really supported it. The truth is that there is no way I could have raised the £78,000 we raised in 50 days alone. With friends and deep relationships, we did it.
You've probably heard it said that your network is your net worth. As cliche as it sounds, there is truth in this simple statement. The true measure of what you can do is in the network you have and to whom you are connected.
I try to build a good relationship with everyone I meet because you never know when doing something important may require their expertise. All the board positions I hold are directly tied to my ability to tap into my network and form unlikely coalitions or task forces. This one skill will change the game for you.
I remember learning when I was young that when you meet people, some are on their way up and some are on their way down. You have no clue. It’s in your best interest to treat everyone well.
Building bridges also enriches your life
As well as helping you out, building bridges also enriches your life. In the Long term, friendships and relationships bless your life in so many ways hard to capture in words.
I recently went to a concert to watch some of my favourite singers perform. At the end of the concert, all the singers came out together for one final number. One of the singers was turning 60 and he made a point about the fact he’d known one of the other singers for over 40 years. He used to walk her back home from school. It was mind-boggling. Here they are 40 years later, headlining a concert together. They had been building a relationship for that long, over 40 years. It was beautiful to see.
When you build and keep long-term relationships, you get to watch people grow, their lows and their highs, their failures and their comebacks. You get to play a part in their development and exciting life adventure.
Society is well known for placing value on the wrong things. Be a bridge builder and bridge burner.
Have an amazing week,
M.T. Omoniyi