Stop comparing yourself on social media
Good Morning Family,
I hope you are doing well. A big thank you to all the people that reached out via emails to tell me the kind of impact these digital entries are having on them. It means the world to me so never hesitate to reach out.
“They think that intelligence is about noticing things are relevant (detecting patterns); in a complex world, intelligence consists in ignoring things that are irrelevant (avoiding false patterns)”
― Nassim Nicholas Taleb
I love this quote because it gets right to the heart of what I think is one of the principal problems of our age. Because we live in an information age, clarity of thought is something very little enjoy. Our social media accounts inundate us with updates and more updates. It means many are often buried under a mountain of updates. With all of this, it is hard to stay focused, to think right and to live a life where we are not projecting or paralysed by social media comparison.
Mental clarity is everything
Mental clarity means having a focused and clear state of mind. When you have mental clarity, your mind isn’t clouded with indecision, what-ifs, overwhelm or worry.
If you’ve ever felt lost or directionless in life, you probably know how hard it can be to make progress on anything. When you have clarity around your goals and priorities, it’s easier to move towards what you want out of life. When your brain is foggy and you’re riddled with indecision, it’s hard to make choices that get you to where you want to be. Mental clarity helps you to make decisions with ease instead of overthinking. It also makes it easier to organize an overwhelming to-do list and decide what to work on first. When you’re unfocused and distracted, it’s easy to start doubting yourself. Mental clarity helps you to see yourself honestly and non-judgmentally. Instead of worrying about what others think of you, a clear and focused mind won’t even entertain these thoughts.
I would say I’m a pretty confident person. I use to scoff when people spoke about social media comparison and the effects it was having on them because I just didn't understand it. I would tell people, 'just log off.’ I was wrong about this, I just didn’t really understand the scale of the problem. Living in a digital age means, living IN a digital age. The online world is so inextricably linked to every facet of our lives. Even if you don’t have social media, it’s hard to ignore the online world which seems delicately layered on top of our offline world.
Avoiding social media comparison
Social media has made it easier than ever to compare ourselves to other people. Before apps like Instagram and Facebook existed, the people we hung out with years ago would fade into a distant memory. Now, we are constantly bombarded with the highlights and achievements of their lives, along with those of total strangers. Study after study has confirmed that social media is associated with lower self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and greater body shame. With mental health issues steadily increasing, especially in teens and Millennials, I feel it’s important to share how to loosen the grip comparison culture has on your life. Here are five tips to help you escape the social media comparison trap:
1. Realize that social media is not reality
Remember, distance creates distortion…
It’s important to understand that social media shows an airbrushed, distorted view of people’s lives. The carefully curated images you see on social media can lead you to wonder how all your friends are so successful and how everyone is poolside in Bali except you—but that’s simply not reality. Everyone experiences hardships and challenges in life, but those things don’t usually make it onto social media. It’s so easy to think that everyone has it together except you, but that’s just the impression that is given through these filtered, handpicked snippets.
2. Make social media sociable
Don’t just watch and judge in your head, contribute productively
The way you use social media can have a big impact on how it makes you feel. One study showed that mindlessly scrolling through social media-induced depression and anxiety in adolescents, whereas contributing, sharing, and interacting had the opposite effect. Try getting involved by sharing pictures or commenting on things that interest you. Social media was created for you to be social on—not to just sit back and watch.
3. Curate your feed
It offends some people but I’m past caring. There are some things i don’t like seeing and I ensure they aren’t on my feed.
Are there certain people on social media that make you feel bad when you see them on your feed? Unfollow them! Don’t worry about potentially upsetting them—your mental health comes first. Instead of following people that make you feel inadequate, anxious, or depressed, fill your feed with people (or animals!) who induce positive feelings. Your whole feed could be filled with pictures of kittens, nature, and a few close friends—you’re in control!
4. Confront the comparison
If you’re feeling ready to do some introspective work, ask yourself why seeing a particular person on social media makes you feel so bad. Perhaps they stir up thoughts that you’re not doing what you want in life, or that you’re not feeling very secure of yourself in general. This reflection allows you to work on yourself and make positive changes in your life. This kind of work can be challenging so don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist for support if that’s an option.
5. Reduce the time you spend on social media
If you feel you’ve developed an unhealthy relationship with social media, it’s important to understand that it’s not your fault. Social media apps like Instagram and Facebook were literally built to be addictive and drive comparison. In fact, Justin Rosenstein, the engineer who created the “like” button on Facebook (which he now describes as “bright dings of pseudo-pleasure”) feels the need to limit his social media usage. Sometimes, the best way to shield yourself from the potentially damaging mental health effects of social media is to use it less or stop using it all together. Nobody is forcing you to be on social media and your real friends will connect with you in other ways (phone calls, texting, in person, etc.). I promise you’ll be okay if you use social media less or cut it out completely. In fact, your well-being will likely be much better for it!
Have an amazing week folks,
M.T. Omoniyi