Happy Wednesday folks! In case you are wondering, the irony is not lost non me. A Monday newsletter out on Wednesday!
I had a tough decision to make this week. Do I send a message to you on Monday or wait until Wednesday when I had a cool and exciting announcement to make! I decided to wait. I’m sorry for my tardiness and for messing up your scheduling but I hope it will be worth it.
More on this announcement in a little minute. For now, let’s delve into fear.
I have no doubt you've heard 'face your fears' before. Whether it’s a motivational speaker on TV or an encouraging friend, we have heard it many times before. The ease with the statement is uttered says nothing about how difficult it actually is to apply.
It is human nature to avoid emotions that scare us. Who wants to walk directly into what promises to be a painful experience? Except that by continually avoiding looking at the ‘boogeyman’ within, you become hostage to the monster. Typically this involves hiding from any potential stressor that might cause upset and engaging in endless distractions. Alas you are also hiding from potential challenges that can lead to growth and joy. Plus, you can’t hide forever from fear. It’s going to strike, despite your best efforts to suppress it. And it is likely that it will strike at a time when you most need emotional equanimity.
The good news is that once we face our fears—and give the boogeyman air—rather than shove it into a distant compartment of your brain, it begins losing the ability to rule you and dictate your decisions
Jack Petchy Speak Out Challenge
I have been crippled by fear many times in my life, however, one of my earliest memories is from over 11 years ago when I was in Year 10.
I was selected by my English teacher to be part of a public speaking workshop. Those who did well in the workshop would be entered into a national speaking competition with a chance to win £2000. At the time, this was the same as winning the lottery.
Now, even though I was confident speaking to friends on the playground, the thought of speaking publically and presenting scared me. I thought I had an accent and I thought my voice was too harsh and heavy and because of that, I was convinced I would fail at it. I was convinced people would laugh and it just won’t go well.
Still, thanks to encouragement from my mum and teachers I took part in the workshop and was entered into the competition and to my surprise, I was making my way through the competition and doing well. I kept thinking I fluffed the speech. but somehow I made it all the way to the grand final, where the top 15 speakers in the country would get to speak to 2000 people.
You can watch my grand final speech from 11 years ago below.
Now ignoring my odd American accent for a minute, this speech was the start of me building the confidence to speak out and developing my own voice. Being on the podium of a national speaking competition is something I don’t often reflect on but when I do, I realise this was really the genesis of my infatuation with speaking. Something that once crippled me is now a source of joy, income and even inspiration.
Now, You don’t need to conquer every fear you have. A fear of tsunamis may not be disruptive to your everyday life if you live 1,000 miles away from the ocean. But it may be a problem if you live on the coast and panic every time you hear about earthquakes, storms, or high tides because you think you might be in danger, or you avoid going on a vacation you'd otherwise enjoy in an effort to avoid getting close to open water.
Have an internal conversation with yourself about what your fears are stopping you from doing, and consider whether it’s a problem that you need to confront. Are your fears causing you to lead a less fulfilling life than the one you hoped for?
Tips to Work Through Your Fear and Live Your Life
If you are experiencing overwhelming fear or anxiety, especially a phobia, please consider working with a therapist. Additionally, here are some suggestions that have helped many of my patients work through being hostage to their own fears:
Allow yourself to sit with your fear for 2-3 minutes at a time. Breathe with it and say, “It’s okay. It feels lousy but emotions are like the ocean—the waves ebb and flow.” Have something nurturing planned immediately after your 2-3 minute sitting period is completed: Call the good friend waiting to hear from you; immerse yourself in an activity you know is enjoyable and engrossing.
Write down the things you are grateful for. Look at the list when you feel you’re in a bad place. Add to the list.
Remind yourself that your anxiety is a storehouse of wisdom. Write a letter, “Dear Anxiety, I am no longer intimidated by you. What can you teach me?”
Exercise. Exercise can refocus you (your mind can only focus on one thing at a time). Whether you go on a short walk, head to a boxing gym for an all-out sweat session, or turn on a 15-minute yoga video at home, exercise is good for you and it will ground you and help you feel more capable.
Use humour to deflate your worst fears. For instance, what are some ridiculous worst-case scenarios that might happen if you accept an invitation to deliver a speech to a crowd of 500 people? I might pee in my pants at the podium *** I will be arrested for giving the worst speech in history *** My first boyfriend (girlfriend) will be in the audience and heckle me.
Appreciate your courage. Doreen would tell herself during difficult times, “Every time I don’t allow fear to keep me from doing something that scares me, I am making myself stronger and less likely to let the next fear attack stop me.”
Perhaps the most important coping tool is to be kind to yourself. What advice would you give to a best friend about those negative inner voices that whisper: Be afraid. Don’t try anything new? Do as you advise others—don’t listen to the negativity; be your own best friend.
What Fear Am I over Coming?
I’m back on youtube. 2 videos, every week. The first one is out later today at 6 pm
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I thought that was outstanding Hollywood pure talent performance.